Journal Therapy.2:15 Oct 22nd, 2012 | 0 notes
Trying to be happy really sucks.
It’s like giving your all every single day. Waking up miserable and going to bed even more miserable. Just day after day. Being more miserable than the day before. I’m just waiting to hit rock bottom already. Because at this point, I can’t be too far from it. Because when i’m finally at my lowest, I can restart. When i’m tired of feeling like this, maybe i’ll snap out of it and stop trying and just BE. But i’m not there yet.
It’s honestly not fair. I’ve given up my entire childhood to make my parents proud and when I realized that I didn’t really give a shit about their approval, it was too late. Now i’m giving up my teenage/early adult years to be on my own and I still feel shortchanged. I don’t get to party, or go shopping for cute stuff. I just work. Everything that everyone else just gets handed to them, I have to work so hard for. Too hard for. Car, school, rent, food. That’s all my responsibility and I don’t have anyone to depend on if I fail. I hate feeling so alone and hopeless. I’ve never had a chance to be a kid and do things for myself. And I know that sounds really selfish, but I’ve really given my whole life to my family. Everything I’ve ever done has been for other people. And that probably will never end. But at least if no one else will do anything for me, I should at least be able to do it for myself. And I can’t. How is it even possible to be happy, under all these circumstances?
I’m really done trying to be happy. I’m obviously thousands of dollars worth of therapy and a miracle away.
4:25 Jan 18th, 2012 | 221 notes